Without You
by alysonstrivelli
Summary: just a little non sense that is Kendall/James!


**So, yeah, I'm becoming more comfortable writing Kendall and James slash, and it's just, ah so cute :) Well anyways. This one took me the whole day to write. I can't even, I hate not having ideas. But anyways. Ignore my use of their names so much. I feel like it gets so confusing when I use 'he' after everything. So yeah. I like using their names more :) Enjoy this piece of nonsense.  
>Disclaimer; I don't own Big Time Rush. If I did, Kendall would be in my bed every other hour of the day, and we'd have twelve kids.<br>Oh, and the song! Without You by My Darkest Days. GO LISTEN TO IT.**

**And by the way! I'd like to dedicate this to The Savage Soul, because her writing...just go read it. She's wonderful, and she's the sweetest, and she inspired me to start writing slash, and I couldn't have done this without her. Thank you, sweetheart, you're wonderful! :D**

**Okay, Alyson, shut up and let em read. Enjoy! **

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><p>"Kendall? Kendall. P-please wake up."<p>

James stood next to Kendall's bed, shaking him lightly, trying to wake him out of a sleep, which was almost damn near impossible. Kendall had always been a heavy sleeper, a bomb could go off right next to him, and he'd barely move an inch.

"_Kendall._" James whispered harshly, growing annoyed. "Wake up."

"Whaaat James?" Kendall rolled onto his back, letting out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his eyes. When his vision cleared, he looked up at James' hurt face, then slowly scooted over, making room in his bed. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired."

James crawled into bed next to Kendall, feeling the mattress dip under his weight. He laid his head into the crook of Kendall's neck, letting silent tears drip down his face. Kendall immediately wrapped his arms around the brunette, feeling his body shake.

"James, you're shaking."

He felt the boy nod, as he ran a hand soothingly across the bare skin of his back. Placing a gentle kiss to his forehead, Kendall slowly turned on his side, placing James' head on his pillow. "Bad dreams?"

"Y-yeah. Sort of."

"What happened, baby?" Kendall ran a hand through James' hair, feeling James' body immediately relax. James always loved that. Although he had taken pride in perfecting his hair, when Kendall and James had started dating, James had finally admitted to Kendall that he had a fetish when someone would touch his hair. Out of habit, Kendall always found himself running his hand through James' hair, finding it so soft and comforting.

"I'm just…s-scared, Kendall. W-we leave for LA tomorrow. W-what if this ch-changes e-everything between us."

"James, a city isn't going to change the way I feel about you."

"It will, Kendall, it will. W-we'll have to put up a big act for everyone, a-and we're gonna have to u-use girls as cover-ups, a-and y-you'll fall in l-love with s-someone else, a-and out of l-love w-with m-me."

"Shh, James, James, relax." Kendall towed James into his arms, letting James softly sob into his shoulder. It took about twenty minutes for him to calm down, Kendall whispering nothing but words of comfort to him, running his hand idly across his back, tracing small patterns into his soft skin. When James' sobs had been reduced to whimpers, he looked up at Kendall, his eyes red and puffy.

"I don't wanna lose you, Kendall." he whispered.

Kendall brought a hand to his cheek, wiping the excess tears that were left on James' flawless face. Kendall sat them up slowly, pulling James into his lap. James, on instinct, wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck, staring into Kendall's loving green eyes. Kendall cupped his face, returning the gaze. "James, listen to me. You're not gonna lose me. I promise you that."

"B-but Kendall-"

"Shh, I'm not done." Kendall raised a finger to his lip, successfully silencing the boy. "The way that I feel about you, is some way that I didn't know ever really existed. Will you let me prove that to you?"

"Kendall, I'm too tired to make love to you."

"Not that, James."

James sighed, scooting back onto the bed as Kendall slowly sat up, staring at the clock for a few seconds. Grabbing his guitar from the other side of the room, he sat back on the bed next to James, resting his back against the wall. James stared at him confused. "I'm gonna play you a song. I want you to listen really closely, okay? This song, James. This song is exactly how I feel about you."

James nodded, staring as Kendall slowly began strumming his guitar.

_If I had my way,  
><em>_I'd spend every day right by your side.  
><em>_And if I could stop time,  
><em>_Believe me I'd try for you and I._

_And each moment you're gone,  
><em>_Is a moment too long in my life.  
><em>_So stay right here, right now._

_Cause without you,  
><em>_I'm a disaster.  
><em>_And you're my ever after.  
><em>_Cause I need to know your answer._

_I want you to say,  
><em>_You're gonna stay with me.  
><em>_I die every day,  
><em>_That you're away from me._

James looked at Kendall, biting softly on his lower lip. Kendall looked back at him, smiling as he leaned over quickly, placing a soft kiss to his cheek.

_If the world ceased to spin,  
><em>_You could start it again with just one smile.  
><em>_If the seas turned to sand,  
><em>_With the wave of your hand, it would rain for miles._

_But the thought of you gone,  
><em>_Makes everything wrong in my life.  
><em>_So stay right here, right now._

_Cause without you,  
><em>_I'm a disaster.  
><em>_And you're my ever after.  
><em>_Cause I need to know your answer._

_I want you to say,  
><em>_you're gonna stay with me.  
><em>_I die every day,  
><em>_That you're away from me._

_My heart breaks with every beat,  
><em>_I can't explain what you do to me.  
><em>_So just say you'll promise me,  
><em>_Please take me if you ever leave._

_But the thought of you gone,  
><em>_Makes everything wrong in my life.  
>So stay right here, right now.<em>

_Cause without you,  
><em>_I'm a disaster.  
><em>_And you're my ever after.  
><em>_Cause I need to know your answer._

_I want you to say,  
><em>_You're gonna stay with me.  
><em>_I die every day,  
><em>_That you're away from me._

_So just say you'll promise me,  
><em>_Please take me if you ever leave.  
><em>_My heart breaks with every beat.  
><em>_I die every day that you're away from me._

Kendall put his guitar down, sighing softly when a single tear escaped from his eyes. He swiped it, leaning back up to look at James, who was a blubbering mess. Tears ran down his face, his cheeks stained a soft red color. He had the biggest smile on his face, as his hazel eyes welled up with more tears. "K-Kendall.."

"Oh, James."

Kendall laughed, throwing his arms around James and pulling him against his chest. He laid back against his pillow, hearing James laugh into his chest. "D-do y-you mean that, K-Kendall? E-everything y-you sang?"

Kendall placed a kiss to his forehead. "Of course I meant it, James."

James sighed contently, placing his head on Kendall's shoulder, as Kendall wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him up for a kiss. Their lips moved together, Kendall pouring all his feelings for James into one kiss that left them both breathless.

Kendall placed a hand on James' cheek, pulling back slowly for air. They both panted quietly, staring at each other. Kendall swallowed nervously. "James?" He whispered.

"Hm?"

"L-let me show you something."

James nodded, slightly confused, until Kendall slowly pushed his head down onto his chest. James draped his arm over Kendall's waist, getting more comfortable. "Tell me what you hear."

James shifted his eyes up to Kendall. "I-I can hear your heart."

"This, James. If you ever feel like LA is changing _us_, just remember this. My heart is beating right now, and it will keep beating for you. I love you."

James, for the first time the whole night, broke out into a wide grin that Kendall had been longing to see. "I love you too, Kendall." he whispered, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend again. He laid his head back onto Kendall's chest, becoming aware of Kendall's heart rate speeding up slightly, and found it to be the best thing to fall asleep to.

Just as James was about to fall into a deep sleep, he felt Kendall press a kiss to his forehead, and whisper so quietly, "you'll always be my Jamie."

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><p><em>Oh, my heartbeat fetish. I just thought this was so cute. Enjoy, guys. I hope you like it, despite my lack of slash writing skills :) <em>


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